The Suggestion Box Suggestion

I have informed my husband that from now on ALL suggestions AND complaints are to be put into a suggestion box. At the end of the day I will review them and act accordingly. If something isn't in the suggestion box (such as how to properly clean the dishcloths or the best temperature to keep the thermostat on) then I will assume all is well and everyone is happy. I will ONLY be taking action from comments that have been put into the suggestion box.

His response: "That sounds like a great idea."

I thought so too, and I tell him. "We can keep the suggestion box affixed to our headboard. I will read all your suggestions at the end of the night."

His eyes lit up. "Can I suggest other things?"

"Of course," I tell him.

"Like sexy things?"

"Whatever you want."

"Good. I've got lots of suggestions."

"I'm sure you do."

"Just to be sure, I can write anything I want? And you won't get upset?"

"Yes, just keep in mind that I will be reading all the daily suggestions at once, at the end of the day, before we have..."

"Oh." He thinks for a second. "How about we put up two suggestions boxes? One for the house stuff and one for the bed."

"No. One suggestions box for EVERYTHING. But keep in mind that I will be reading ALL of the suggestions, your helpful house ones and the bed ones at the end of the day, before we have..."

"Hmmm. Guess I need to word things carefully."

"I guess you do."

"Or not put any bad ones in."

"That's an idea. Just remember though. If it's not in the suggestion box it will not be addressed. I will assume everything is fine and you are not allowed to complain about it."

"Hmmm. Okay."

"I can put a suggestion box up for you too, so you can tell me if there's anything you want more of or I'm not doing right."

I thought about all the laundry that wouldn't fold itself, how he drove faster than the speed limit, and his love of reality cop show TVs. Yes, I had a few suggestions of my own.

"Great idea, honey. I've got lots of suggestions."

"Oh, wait," he tried to stop me. "I meant..."

But it was too late. He had already opened that box.