June 19, 2012

Funny Craigslist Personal Ads

Bored out of my mind on a Monday night, I do what I always do when there simply is nothing to do. I browse Craigslist. The personal ads are my favorite. The women's are usually overly honest, but heartfelt. As for the men's...well, you can see why many are still single. These are actual ads I copy and pasted for your enjoyment (as well as my personal assessment in bold type).

1) Every woman's dream man

You truly enjoy sex and would never with hold sex because we are in an argument. No Internet dating junkies, no obese, no smokers, no drug users, no prostitutes, pimps or porn site operators.

2) An A for honesty

Please only respond if you're serious about getting laid, because I don't have time to do email monologues with you, online picture passing, or endless chatting on a computer.

3) Speaking of honesty

* Looking for Pus**  Kisses, conversation, food, a plus.

4) Tempting but...

hi i am looking for a hot babe to go out with i like horses and herding cows.i have been up on the ruby river thes past few days like every other dam fool panning for gold and all i got was 2 dollars worth of dust and not a penny more. isnt that pitafull. now i am ready to get back to what i know best and thats woman

5) How did he land the one?

Looking for a very oral woman - 45 Ideally a married or attached woman, because I don't want a full time relationship as I already have one. Please no smokers, tweakers, or real fatties. Curves Ok but no rolls of fat please. Just not my thing.

6) He does make a solid point

Looking for a hot single mom! - 33 As I grow older (and more dashing), I tend to run into more and more single women who have had the (mis)fortune of bearing a child - or seven. Many people are hesitant to become romantically involved with a chick with a kid. But speaking from personal experience, don’t knock it, as they say, until you’ve tried it. Obviously, children suck and should be avoided at all costs. The kid might want you to talk to it, or it might crap itself, or walk in and interrupt when his mom is giving you a killer hummer. That’s no good. Here are just a few of the reasons I'm looking for a MILF:Advantage 1 - INSECURITY A chick with a kid knows she’s on thin ice. She has a handicap going into the relationship Advantage 2 - RELIABILITY You pretty much always know where a mom is, which is nice for us jealous, raging types. It’s hard for a mom to have too much of a life outside of her kid, because children selfishly monopolize a lot of her time

7) Who said men weren't chivalrous?

R U FLAT CHESTED????????? Wealthy and generous gentleman willing to sponsor augmentation surgery in exchange for long term discrete affair.

8) We've come a long way, baby...

Married, seeking intelligent young plaything - 33 You are educated, endlessly smart, quick on your feet, fascinating. You also have a strong, almost paradoxical, need to be naughty, subservient, dirty, slutty. You are young, cute, attracted to older guys.
You will be my plaything. You want me to respect you for your mind, especially since I am also cognitively agile, but I simply see you as the submissive, hot little boy-toy you are.

9) Uh, okay...

Let me Suck Your Toes - 27

10) For once I have no words...

In Need Of Sexy Sugarmamma - 19 I am 6'2 and 185 pounds looking for a sugarmamma from ages 25-40. Caramel complexion and abs of steel. Have to look good and have bank cause I like the ladies. We can go out of town or hang out at your house. I am sexy and cute. Serious Inquiries only time is a wasting.

11) Well hot damn! I can finally get those shelves hung!

Chores for a BJ? - 50 Expierenced handyman availabe to help you with chores you may need done. Most all repairs and/or refurbishing. Auto detailing, electical repairs, plumbing fixes, I can do most repairs or up grades. Work free for blowjobs.

12) And my all time favorite, the ever popular selective genital wart carrier...

Handsome w/ Herpes - 39 Even though I have this curse, I am selective...So, if you are slender,cute,fun,funny,great fun smile, between 27-37 and under size 8 and want to meet a great man that has never been married w/no kids(yet),then let me know


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