October 30, 2015

Froggy Style

kermit-the-frog-miss-piggy-2I had the most disturbing conversation with my husband last night, after a few glasses of wine.We were talking about the alleged breakup of Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog.Now, I never knew they formally dated. I saw the sexual tension between the two of them, but maybe I missed the whole real courtship.
I asked my  husband about it, in case he could direct me to the proper sources.
His response was a furrowed brow and a Hmmm.
"What?" I asked.
"How do you think they do it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Logistics wise," he said.
"I don't know."
"Froggy style?"
"What the hell?"
"You know, like doggy but with their legs splayed out."
"Now that's just sick. And ack! I can't get the image out of my head."
He smiles at me. "Sorry about that." He pauses a moment, takes another sip of his wine, and then continues. "Do you think he just flops around. Like you know how his arms go all jiggly?"
"Please stop."
"No, seriously."
I couldn't dislodge the image of Kermit flopping around on Miss Piggy from my head. I tried reverse it by having her be the one on top. That wasn't any better.
"I hate you," I said.
"Because you ruined my childhood. It was okay for me to picture them kissing, but this...this..." I swallowed the last of my drink. "I can never go back to the Shire now, you know that, right?"
"You're welcome. Now how about some green eggs and ham?"

October 29, 2015

Hi Honey, I'm Home.

My husband's home today, which for me means little or no works getting done.
He's sick, but he's not one to stay in bed. Instead, he's bouncing between TVs, taking work emails, sending voice texts, and commenting on the news.
All day.
I used to think I'd look forward to the time he retires and we can both be 'stay at home writers' but I'm pretty sure we'd end up killing each other if that happened, unless we got a MUCH bigger house.
Still, its nice to have him around, even if I dont get much done myself.
Ive come to realize every day spent with someone you love is precious, even if they do want to make you gnaw off your own arm.

October 28, 2015

Panty Domes

I think we should start building domes over countries made out of panties.

Seriously, they seem to be constructed of this magical, impenetrable material that we should harness for national security.

My husband came into the room the other night and saw me under the blankets, with a book in my hand. "You naked?" he asked, a smile creeping on his face.

"Nope. Got panties on."

The smile instantly vanished, replaced by a Snidely Whiplash, "Drats, Foiled again!" look. He then went to the lamp, turned it off, and went to sleep.

Who knew panties had that kind of power? Like, he didn't even want to mess with them. "You're wearing panties? Too much for me. I'm out!"

Panties must be bad ass, like kryptonite.

No wonder men get excited when they see them in lingerie stores. It means one less pair is on an actual woman!

In light of this revelation, I might have to rethink my panty distribution and the effects they have on my safety. I can still wear 1 pair in the suburbs but when I go into Downtown Portland I might double up. And to be safe, when I'm traveling to places like LA or Vegas, I should probably wear 4 pairs.

So back to my original point. We should build domes over countries (or even cities) made of nothing but panty material. Once rival nations catch wind of this they won't even bother trying to send their armies.

They'll just climb into bed and turn out the lights.

New Books on the Horizon

I have TWO new releases coming out in November.

The first book is called The Good Girl's Guide to Being a Demon. It's about small-town girl, Cassie Martin, who suddenly finds herself in the precarious position of growing horns. After receiving a book from her long-dead mother regarding the incident, Cassie journeys home and meets up with childhood friend (and crush) Josh Tucker, who is studying to be a youth minister. Mayhem ensues.

This is part of the woodland creek series and features 30 authors writing in the same world, all with guaranteed happily ever after romantic endings. And of course, mine is probably the odd woman's out ;)

The release day is Nov 15 and is available for preorder HERE.

The second book will be available right after Thanksgiving and is called: A Dark Root Christmas-Merry's Gift. Its set in my Dark Root world and is the story of 10-year-old Merry who befriends a mysterious owl while trying to put some holiday spirit back in her family's lives. Its sweet and slightly different than my other books, but its a fun nostalgic walk back through Dark Root. Pre-order info coming soon.

And I know I have MANY readers waiting for Curse Part 2. I assure you I'm working on it. Its a big undertaking since it will be the set up for future books and I want to make sure to get it right (and give you all a great reading experience). Look for it in Spring, 2016!

Meditations on The Shadows of Dark Root

I may have gotten a bit metaphysical during the creation of The Shadows of Dark Root. I always knew I wanted Maggie and her companions to j...