October 28, 2015

Panty Domes

I think we should start building domes over countries made out of panties.

Seriously, they seem to be constructed of this magical, impenetrable material that we should harness for national security.

My husband came into the room the other night and saw me under the blankets, with a book in my hand. "You naked?" he asked, a smile creeping on his face.

"Nope. Got panties on."

The smile instantly vanished, replaced by a Snidely Whiplash, "Drats, Foiled again!" look. He then went to the lamp, turned it off, and went to sleep.

Who knew panties had that kind of power? Like, he didn't even want to mess with them. "You're wearing panties? Too much for me. I'm out!"

Panties must be bad ass, like kryptonite.

No wonder men get excited when they see them in lingerie stores. It means one less pair is on an actual woman!

In light of this revelation, I might have to rethink my panty distribution and the effects they have on my safety. I can still wear 1 pair in the suburbs but when I go into Downtown Portland I might double up. And to be safe, when I'm traveling to places like LA or Vegas, I should probably wear 4 pairs.

So back to my original point. We should build domes over countries (or even cities) made of nothing but panty material. Once rival nations catch wind of this they won't even bother trying to send their armies.

They'll just climb into bed and turn out the lights.

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