December 13, 2012

Top Reasons Aliens Visited Us on 12/12/12


There are two UFO sitings on opposite sides of the US coast: San Francisco and New York.

Scientists are saying they are NOT UFOS, but most likely balloons with lights.

I for one, believe. But why would UFO's visit SF and NY? And why now?

I've got some theories about why we are being visited:

  • The aliens are testing out a new and efficient Hanukkah tradition. They know Earthlings are busy. By putting up three or four lights in the sky at once, we can knock this holiday out in half the time. This will give us more time for other holidays like ThanksXmas.

  • They've heard NY and SF throw the best parades. Sorry, greys, you missed Macy's by a month and the Rainbow one by half a year. Check back later!

  • They checked their fortune cookies and determined that 12/12/12 was the luckiest day for taking over the earth. And to Feng Shui the mother ship.

  • They've heard about the Mayan Calendar Prophecy and wanted to see if it was true. Got here early to get good seats. The SF aliens have also reserved seats around Area 51 for their friends Bob and Carol and their 23000 kids.

  • The shopping! Hello! If you can't find a great coat or a fabulous pair of jeans in San Francisco or New York, you just aren't looking right.

  • They are doing research to see which city scares easier. Sadly, startling humans just isn't as easy as it was in the 1930s. Stupid Internet.

  • The earth is the only designated pit stop in an intergalactic Amazing Race.

  • They've cloned an army of Dick Clarks and brought one back just in time for New Year's. Watching the countdown from the Moon wouldn't be nearly as fun without him.

  • They saw that picture of the cop and the homeless guy on their I200Pad. It inspired them to bring shoes to all our homeless. Too bad their shoes only come in sizes: 000, extra narrow.

  • One of the alien's wives wanted a steak she didn't have to prepare herself for a change. Cow mutilation is so 1950's.

  • Both ships got lost on their way to Saturn and no matter how many times Lois and Zgfriiee nagged their husbands wouldn't stop and ask for directions.

  • They just wanted some really good Chinese food (and China was closed).


Meditations on The Shadows of Dark Root

I may have gotten a bit metaphysical during the creation of The Shadows of Dark Root. I always knew I wanted Maggie and her companions to j...