March 5, 2014

The Universe is a Very Big Place - Lanie Moves In

Short excerpt from The Universe is a Very Big Place

Lanie wandered around the kitchen, arms raised in homage to some god or another. Her black muumuu with its bright purple flowers and her neon red hair gave her a clown-like appearance.

"How can anyone not notice her?" Sam said, turning to face the woman. By the way Lanie’s fleshy body undulated beneath her dress, Spring could tell that Chloe had been feeding her well....

"Don’t mind me," said Lanie, picking up the serving bowl filled with Sam’s special mousse. She ran her finger along the inside rim and put it to her mouth. "Yuck. Who the hell eats coffee pudding? I’m a coffee drinker and I don’t even eat this shit." Lanie set the bowl down and retreated towards the living room. Six o’clock meant that it was time for her medication and The Wheel of Fortune.

"How long?" Sam asked as Lanie flopped into his recliner.

"Not that long. Just until she’s done with menopause."

"Menopause?" Sam’s voice trembled. "Doesn’t that take years? Why can’t she get her own place?"

"Apparently the carnival didn’t provide a very good retirement package. But she did offer to give you free Tarot Card readings for life."

Sam’s eyes narrowed as Lanie flipped through the channels. "Can she predict if I will be found guilty in an upcoming murder trial?"
"Sam!"

They watched as Lanie sat in the living room, one hand on the remote control, the other fanning herself. "Oh, Lordy," she grunted. "Why the hell did you pick Arizona to settle in? Arizona is too fuckin’ hot. I’m old. I might die."

"Only if we’re lucky," Sam said.

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