This whole Zen thing is a lot more complicated than I thought. Ive tried everything. I even wrote up a list of things I wanted to accomplish this week and declared that once the things on that list were done, I would devote the rest of my time to 'just being'. Clearly a flawed system right from the get go. Only, I didn't see it. I was simply trying to fit this Eastern philosophy into my Western life.
Besides having a list (totally unzen I bet) I realized that there really is no 'end'. I cant simply cross things off a list and then spend the rest of my time in mindless bliss. There are always more things to do. As soon as I finished my list (on Tuesday) I thought of 40 other things that should go on the list and manually wrote them in. Now, I'm stressed because my list is longer than I am. I may have to buy taller refrigerator to post it on.
Which brings me to an interesting revelation about myself. I enjoy doing things. I like to get up and work out and write and clean and visit and shop and see my husband and play video games and...and...and.
And surprisingly enough, when I am doing these things I am in my 'zen' mode. I am happy and present and living life. But when I am thinking about what I should do to make my life more meaningful I am countering all that I am working towards.I've learned that I don't need to resent all of the activities that infringe upon my life because that is my life. Life doesn't have to be a certain, prescribed way. Life is just life.
My husband took me to lunch today (right after we worked out together) and I was thinking of all the things I still needed to do. His mind, however, was on the present. He took my hands across the table and said "Wow, isn't life good?"
I looked at him. He had a million things going on in his work world and was getting messages from his employees as we ate, but his mind was right there with me. He had it right. I squeezed his hands in return and said, "Yes, baby. It really is."