It's 5 in the morning and I'm sitting on an Amtrak train, on the way to see my mom.
I feel sick.
Being alone with my mom for several days, just the two of us (and her purse dog), is difficult for me.
But I love my mom. Should it be so hard?
After everything I've written about mother/daughter relationships I still don't fully understand them. I keep writing, hoping I'll understand.
Maybe its the way my mom thinks everything is a conspiracy (The Republicans know she's outing them and are therefor thwarting her efforts to get online by stealing her Wi-Fi)
Or the fact that she labels everyone (Allz I know is that I once met a (insert racial/ethnic background here) family and they were (insert typical stereotype).
Or maybe its the part where she starts to tell a story and ends up telling about ten different stories, never giving me closure on the first one.
It could be any of those things. But perhaps all daughters feel that way. It might be a generational thing.
But if I really dig deep I know the truth, the source of my difficulties. It's because my mom's rewritten my history for me. The childhood I remember is not the childhood she remembers. We live in two different realities and until those realities are reconciled it will never be easy to go for a 'long visit' because these visits are laced with tales that never actually happened.
Maybe she should be the writer instead of me.